When Anxiety Attacks
8 years ago
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I found myself thinking back over Genesis this morning… in particular the third chapter.
After writing up my first posting for this blog last night, I guess my mind was simply working through why it is that the image of Barbarian Way or that we are Wild at Heart resounds so strongly with Christian men in America today, including myself. As I was thinking through this I thought about a tendency I have seen among men in American culture. This tendency also provides the fuel for other books like Raising a Modern-day Knight and Why Men Hate Going to Church. The tendency about which I am speaking is of course the tendency of men not stepping up to be men as God designed us to be. Basically, I’m talking about men being a bunch of passive me-monkeys.
(“me-monkey” - fool who is too focused on himself and doesn’t even realize it - see right for appropriate mental image you should be calling to mind)
Now lest I be accused of being full of old-fashioned, chauvinistic machismo and bravado, making a general statement blown totally out of proportion, let me just call to mind a couple of common scenes and points of reference.
-Depending on what stats you read, a marriage has roughly a 50/50 chance of lasting nowadays. I know it takes two to tango, but you gotta figure that means at least 1 in 4 marriages break up because a man isn’t stepping up to be what he’s supposed to be. (And I suspect even more than half of divorces would be averted if the man in the marriage would get his act together.)
-There’s the stereotype of the dad coming home from work, grabbing the paper, sitting down in front of the TV and zoning out for a sizable chunk of the evening because he “just needs to unwind.” I know it’s just a stereotype, but there’s a reason that stereotypes develop. They're common enough that they stick.
-Look at your typical church congregation in America. 9 times out of 10 I guarantee you’ll see more ladies there than men. You’ll also see more single moms and single ladies heading there than you will single dads or single men. Additionally, look at the volunteer rosters of your church. I’ll bet that there’s a really good chance the ladies outnumber the men.
-Check out our prisons, men drastically outnumber women, especially among more violent criminals.
-Ask a teenage or twenty-something guy you know, “What does it mean to be a real man?” There’s better than even chances they wouldn’t know what to tell you or even where to start. And the thing is that most middle age guys aren’t any better. Just look at the whole middle-age crisis thing. It’s fueled by a guy achieving a certain level of success that he thought would somehow bring him significance and worth, only to find it futile, spurring on a renewed quest to prove that he really is a man.
And these are just a few of the things I could point to that tell me there are plenty of boys and guys out there, but there are very few real men.
I know… there are lots of cultural, spiritual, emotional, environmental, yada, yada, yada factors that contribute to this. I willingly acknowledge that. BUT… I would also point out that each of these things has at least one common factor that I’m thinking of right now. Each of these would be corrected if you had a man stepping up to be what God meant men to be. Each of these situations involve men who are passive toward God's intent for their lives. They’re content sitting back and letting someone else do the hard work God has for them. They’re more focused, selfishly, on what they think will make them happy at the moment, rather than being the protectors, providers, and leaders God intended. And it all starts back in Genesis 3.
See, Adam and Eve were in the Garden. Adam was the one God told about the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. God didn’t tell Eve; she wasn’t even made yet. God gave ADAM the responsibility to make sure that things were taken care of in this area. (Check out Genesis 2:15-25 if you haven’t noticed this before.) So what was up with Adam when the serpent came to tempt Eve? Why didn’t he help? Where was he at? I’ll tell you. He wasn’t gone. He was right there beside her, but he wussed out and didn’t do a thing! He should have opened up a can on the snake… or died trying, but he sat back and watched the game instead! And so Eve eats the fruit then turns and hands some to Adam, “who was with her.” (Gen. 3:6) And if you’ll notice, their eyes weren’t opened when Eve ate from the fruit. They were opened when Adam ate. That’s why Rom. 5:12 tells us that sin entered the world through one man. God had given Adam, not Eve, the responsibility of leadership. And when the moment of testing came, he wimped out. And since that day we men have struggled with the same sin… the sin of being a wuss when it comes to areas where we need to stand strong.
Hear me in this. I’m not saying that if men want to be godly we’ll all go around flexing our pects, driving fast cars, and talking two octaves lower. That’s an artificial compensation for the fact that we don’t really know how to be a man, or we’re too lazy and intimidated by what it would actually take to be a real man. Instead, what if we just took the simple step of taking responsibility for ourselves and for those around us, even at the expense of our own interests? What would it look like if we actually followed the guidance of Ephesians 5:25 and we loved our wives like Christ loved His people, for whom He died? What would it look like if we came home from work each day, manned up, and played with the kids, listened and talked to the wife, and kept the TV off? What if we realized that the next generation of young men and warriors are in Sunday School, wanting to learn what it means to be a man... and all too often they find themselves surrounded only by godly women with no men in sight? What would happen in our community if real men started making sure justice was done, taking care of the needy, mentoring young men without a real man for a father, and actively rebuilding a sense of chivalry and respect for all women?
I don’t know. Call me crazy, chauvinist (ladies), boring (men), whatever. It really doesn’t matter what you think of me in this regard. All I know is that I’m going to teach my son, Liam Gabriel, to live up to his name... Guardian – Valorous warrior of God. And with God’s grace I pray that he will one day be a real man who serves the Lord of Hosts (The Commander of the Heavenly Armies) instead of passively sitting back watching the battle of life in this world pass him by.
After writing up my first posting for this blog last night, I guess my mind was simply working through why it is that the image of Barbarian Way or that we are Wild at Heart resounds so strongly with Christian men in America today, including myself. As I was thinking through this I thought about a tendency I have seen among men in American culture. This tendency also provides the fuel for other books like Raising a Modern-day Knight and Why Men Hate Going to Church. The tendency about which I am speaking is of course the tendency of men not stepping up to be men as God designed us to be. Basically, I’m talking about men being a bunch of passive me-monkeys.
(“me-monkey” - fool who is too focused on himself and doesn’t even realize it - see right for appropriate mental image you should be calling to mind)
Now lest I be accused of being full of old-fashioned, chauvinistic machismo and bravado, making a general statement blown totally out of proportion, let me just call to mind a couple of common scenes and points of reference.
-Depending on what stats you read, a marriage has roughly a 50/50 chance of lasting nowadays. I know it takes two to tango, but you gotta figure that means at least 1 in 4 marriages break up because a man isn’t stepping up to be what he’s supposed to be. (And I suspect even more than half of divorces would be averted if the man in the marriage would get his act together.)
-There’s the stereotype of the dad coming home from work, grabbing the paper, sitting down in front of the TV and zoning out for a sizable chunk of the evening because he “just needs to unwind.” I know it’s just a stereotype, but there’s a reason that stereotypes develop. They're common enough that they stick.
-Look at your typical church congregation in America. 9 times out of 10 I guarantee you’ll see more ladies there than men. You’ll also see more single moms and single ladies heading there than you will single dads or single men. Additionally, look at the volunteer rosters of your church. I’ll bet that there’s a really good chance the ladies outnumber the men.
-Check out our prisons, men drastically outnumber women, especially among more violent criminals.
-Ask a teenage or twenty-something guy you know, “What does it mean to be a real man?” There’s better than even chances they wouldn’t know what to tell you or even where to start. And the thing is that most middle age guys aren’t any better. Just look at the whole middle-age crisis thing. It’s fueled by a guy achieving a certain level of success that he thought would somehow bring him significance and worth, only to find it futile, spurring on a renewed quest to prove that he really is a man.
And these are just a few of the things I could point to that tell me there are plenty of boys and guys out there, but there are very few real men.
I know… there are lots of cultural, spiritual, emotional, environmental, yada, yada, yada factors that contribute to this. I willingly acknowledge that. BUT… I would also point out that each of these things has at least one common factor that I’m thinking of right now. Each of these would be corrected if you had a man stepping up to be what God meant men to be. Each of these situations involve men who are passive toward God's intent for their lives. They’re content sitting back and letting someone else do the hard work God has for them. They’re more focused, selfishly, on what they think will make them happy at the moment, rather than being the protectors, providers, and leaders God intended. And it all starts back in Genesis 3.
See, Adam and Eve were in the Garden. Adam was the one God told about the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. God didn’t tell Eve; she wasn’t even made yet. God gave ADAM the responsibility to make sure that things were taken care of in this area. (Check out Genesis 2:15-25 if you haven’t noticed this before.) So what was up with Adam when the serpent came to tempt Eve? Why didn’t he help? Where was he at? I’ll tell you. He wasn’t gone. He was right there beside her, but he wussed out and didn’t do a thing! He should have opened up a can on the snake… or died trying, but he sat back and watched the game instead! And so Eve eats the fruit then turns and hands some to Adam, “who was with her.” (Gen. 3:6) And if you’ll notice, their eyes weren’t opened when Eve ate from the fruit. They were opened when Adam ate. That’s why Rom. 5:12 tells us that sin entered the world through one man. God had given Adam, not Eve, the responsibility of leadership. And when the moment of testing came, he wimped out. And since that day we men have struggled with the same sin… the sin of being a wuss when it comes to areas where we need to stand strong.
Hear me in this. I’m not saying that if men want to be godly we’ll all go around flexing our pects, driving fast cars, and talking two octaves lower. That’s an artificial compensation for the fact that we don’t really know how to be a man, or we’re too lazy and intimidated by what it would actually take to be a real man. Instead, what if we just took the simple step of taking responsibility for ourselves and for those around us, even at the expense of our own interests? What would it look like if we actually followed the guidance of Ephesians 5:25 and we loved our wives like Christ loved His people, for whom He died? What would it look like if we came home from work each day, manned up, and played with the kids, listened and talked to the wife, and kept the TV off? What if we realized that the next generation of young men and warriors are in Sunday School, wanting to learn what it means to be a man... and all too often they find themselves surrounded only by godly women with no men in sight? What would happen in our community if real men started making sure justice was done, taking care of the needy, mentoring young men without a real man for a father, and actively rebuilding a sense of chivalry and respect for all women?
I don’t know. Call me crazy, chauvinist (ladies), boring (men), whatever. It really doesn’t matter what you think of me in this regard. All I know is that I’m going to teach my son, Liam Gabriel, to live up to his name... Guardian – Valorous warrior of God. And with God’s grace I pray that he will one day be a real man who serves the Lord of Hosts (The Commander of the Heavenly Armies) instead of passively sitting back watching the battle of life in this world pass him by.
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